IN Toronto magazine

Bottoming 101 — here’s a few tips to start

Patience is the key to being a bottom. It takes a lot of relaxation and getting used to the sensation in order to receive anal intercourse. The more tense and apprehensive you are, the more you will feel the urge to “bear down,” making penetration more difficult. I always recommend that anal first-timers experiment with fingers or small toys at first (alone, or with your partner). Using lots of lubrication, gradually increase the objects in size until you think that you are ready to take something the size of your partner’s penis.

Pain during anal sex can often be a warning sign that something isn’t right. Or sometimes the anus may be just too tight to allow penetration and you might need to slow down and give yourself time to relax. Start anal play with your partner, using lots and lots of lubrication, inserting small things like fingers to begin with. Build up gradually to larger items, using discomfort as your guide: If it hurts, stop and try something smaller again. Eventually you will train your body to be able to take larger items, including your partner’s penis. If it’s painful every time you put anything in your bum then go to your doctor and get an examination to rule out any medical problems.

Some people use alcohol to “loosen up” before sex (pun intended). A drink or two may help you to relax, allowing your partner to penetrate you more easily. However, you don’t want your sex life to depend on alcohol. In addition, should you drink too much, while intoxicated you may cause injury that you are not aware of until it’s too late. Also factor in that excessive alcohol use can impair your judgment around safe sex practices.

“Poppers” are also used by some to relax, you inhale the fumes of this nitrogen-containing liquid to cause muscle relaxation. Be careful not to spill it on your skin or drink it, and never use it with drugs like Viagra and Cialis because of possible fatal drops in blood pressure.Anal douching is a common practice for gay men who bottom, usually stemming from the desire to be “clean” and prevent any “mess” that may result from anal penetration. Men commonly use a variety of products for this, from female douching products to enemas (insertion of water into the colon by tube). Douching is certainly not necessary before or after anal sex, and many couples don’t bother.

If you want to clean up beforehand, I recommend using an ear syringe (a rubber bulb with a small spout on the end, obtainable at most pharmacies for under $10). Lubricate the tip well and insert into the rectum, rinsing several times before sex.

Bottoms up!

Dr Keith Loukes works in emergency in a Toronto hospital. Send him your sexual health question at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

This column should not be viewed as medical advice; always consult your physician.